I had to adjust to travelling up to London to see her three or four times a week, though occasionally more & then after 8 ½ months finally down here, when I visit twice a day, unless my London brother & his wife come down.
We have much to be grateful for: Mum is looked after and we don’t have the terribly sad time that others have with their elderly or really ill family members – when the enormous difficulties of home nursing and care come into play, with its emotional stress and physical strains taking their toll. I had plenty of that too, but in the main I consider myself lucky .. the incredible journey continues ...
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Balancing is always a difficult thing to do. I know in my life, I tend to get obsessive about what I am doing and tend to forget about the other improtant things. If I burry myself with work, my relationships suffer, the "me" time suffers and my golf game suffers. I know I am at my best when I have a little time for each of the above subjects. As much as your mother needs you, she needs you to be at your best for her, so if that means taking less trips to Londor to care for her to give yourself some "me" time, then so be it. I think you'll be happier and she'll be happier for you too.
Sincerely,
Craig Garcia
Hi Craig .. thanks .. fortunately Mum is down here .. so it's 5 minutes up and down, then however long I need to spend with her. It's her last days .. & I need to spend each day with her .. I have released myself somewhat .. & feel a lot better now-a-days. Hilary
My mother-in law has lived with us for 8 years and can't take care of herself. We have a live-in caretaker to "assist" her.
It has definitely been a strain on the nuclear family - my wife and 3 daughters. I sometimes fear that the short term disruption and frustration could become the lessons my daughters take away. It is my hope that giving, caring, and concern for quality of life become the lessons learned by example. Time alone will tell.
Hi Bob ..you seem be giving your daughters things to think about for the future .. and it is wonderful you're offering a home to your mother-in-law during her last years. I'm sure they'll realise the choices you've made are the right ones & commend you both for it. May peace be with you all .. Hilary
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