It is such a difficult time .. I get in this morning .. to find that my mother had refused her feed overnight .. but that no water had been given – I do not think that the Care Plan had been established for this potential scenario ..
The feed had been started in the new regime of 500 mls during the day & 500mls at night – but my poor mother was in a lot of pain in the stomach & said she felt so thirsty .. gosh – what a desperate situation .. I feel so terrible for her, that she’s having to endure this ..
I settled her and left her to sleep – I hoped – and was grateful that Janice, our Healer, would be visiting in the afternoon and would guide my mother to a calmer more peaceful place ... thank goodness.
I wait to see what the Nursing Management will do .. I don’t have much faith I’m afraid .. perhaps things will be different?
Thursday 23 October 2008
Wednesday 22 October 2008
Mission Possible - Blog Readers do you notice the Change?!
As I expect you will have gathered we’ve had a roller coaster ride these last few weeks & I can’t believe what’s happened really .. & if it inspires anyone and opens minds to ideas = well & good.
We were back to mundanity this morning .. the dietician came .. to sort out the nausea, sickness, etc etc .. all challenges with a PEG feed – an intrusive mechanism .. but oh so valuable to my mother and I as she's still here. We’ve agreed that we’ll split the feed into two parts .. so Mum gets some overnight and some during the day .. lets hope it takes some of the nasty symptoms away.
My second visit .. she asked that I re read some of the letters .. and was amazed at the numbers – about 35 .. so I’m so chuffed that she’s so pleased: she said it was the best birthday she could have had – possibly the best ever! Then she just said that I was an amazing daughter and had done way more than she thought possible for her .. and ...
.. she just said she shouldn’t be here .. but we discussed the whys & wherefores .. I said I’d found it a really interesting journey, eye opening in so many ways, the people we’ve met along the way ...extremely emotional too. She said she was so pleased and had thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and how I’d made life fun for her and brought some interest into her situation.
We discussed masses of things .. her death, why she was still here, what to do with Hardwick her ‘TinTin’ terrier type dog, who is an amazing companion for her .. she can talk to him, keep him with her – we laughed at so many things .. and she seemed really happy.
Janice, our Healer, has really helped and a lot of the things stay in Mum’s mind .. and the fact that God will take her at the right time .. this seems to have settled her .. & the fact that the family got together to see her – solves one last puzzle for her. I reiterated again that Janice has said that she’ll be with us during my Mum’s last moments and I have to say that’s a mega relief to both of us: it will now be a lot easier. We can laugh together .. and see how long it is before God calls her: & I will now continue with my Mission Possible!
We were back to mundanity this morning .. the dietician came .. to sort out the nausea, sickness, etc etc .. all challenges with a PEG feed – an intrusive mechanism .. but oh so valuable to my mother and I as she's still here. We’ve agreed that we’ll split the feed into two parts .. so Mum gets some overnight and some during the day .. lets hope it takes some of the nasty symptoms away.
My second visit .. she asked that I re read some of the letters .. and was amazed at the numbers – about 35 .. so I’m so chuffed that she’s so pleased: she said it was the best birthday she could have had – possibly the best ever! Then she just said that I was an amazing daughter and had done way more than she thought possible for her .. and ...
.. she just said she shouldn’t be here .. but we discussed the whys & wherefores .. I said I’d found it a really interesting journey, eye opening in so many ways, the people we’ve met along the way ...extremely emotional too. She said she was so pleased and had thoroughly enjoyed our conversations and how I’d made life fun for her and brought some interest into her situation.
We discussed masses of things .. her death, why she was still here, what to do with Hardwick her ‘TinTin’ terrier type dog, who is an amazing companion for her .. she can talk to him, keep him with her – we laughed at so many things .. and she seemed really happy.
Janice, our Healer, has really helped and a lot of the things stay in Mum’s mind .. and the fact that God will take her at the right time .. this seems to have settled her .. & the fact that the family got together to see her – solves one last puzzle for her. I reiterated again that Janice has said that she’ll be with us during my Mum’s last moments and I have to say that’s a mega relief to both of us: it will now be a lot easier. We can laugh together .. and see how long it is before God calls her: & I will now continue with my Mission Possible!
Tuesday 21 October 2008
Mission Impossible - the journey cont ...(2nd post)
... as you might guess .. whatever I did as far as the family were concerned was wrong .. so as a family (only 5 of us) we convened to see my mother in the morning – my brother having decided over the weekend not to see his mother on her last birthday .. had to come down.
We tried to get my mother to talk .. to no avail ... and discussed a couple of minor issues .. not what she wanted to talk about I think ... but we were all twitching & so I just decided they had to go. I stayed and settled my mother ..
Our Healing Touch Therapist had come early to ‘do her magic’ with my Ma .. both spiritually and to make her comfortable. We’d had a long talk the night before & Janice is amazing & just said she’d be there for us both all along the way and at the end. I went back for my usual afternoon visit and my mother seemed content.
We tried to get my mother to talk .. to no avail ... and discussed a couple of minor issues .. not what she wanted to talk about I think ... but we were all twitching & so I just decided they had to go. I stayed and settled my mother ..
Our Healing Touch Therapist had come early to ‘do her magic’ with my Ma .. both spiritually and to make her comfortable. We’d had a long talk the night before & Janice is amazing & just said she’d be there for us both all along the way and at the end. I went back for my usual afternoon visit and my mother seemed content.
Mission Impossible - the journey cont ...
I have had an extremely difficult time .. with my mother saying goodbye to me, leave me in peace, I won’t need that done where I’m going to be next etc & telling me that I should get a life and don’t miss out .. & more particularly don’t let myself be the carer for my uncle, her brother-in-law! So she still knows what’s going on.
It was extremely emotionally traumatic .. as she was refusing her drugs .. and what next? It’s difficult finding oneself in that situation .. as I don’t get any assistance or support from our family. She also reconfirmed the crematorium and then a service in Cornwall with a final resting place in the churchyard. She said she’d wave at me as she went .. & I was to wave as I went past the churchyard every day ... difficult as I live 300 miles away! We laughed .. I have to .. – it takes the sting out, I guess?
I had to find out what was likely to happen, what the possibilities were etc – make decisions .. did I need to tell my brothers .. would she refuse her feed (which starts at 10.00 pm) ... in the event I felt I had to tell them, because if she had refused her feed ... and I had not told them .. it would have been terrible. As it happens .. if I did so .. I’d be wrong, if I didn’t .. I’d be wrong .. sometimes you can never win – but I covered the bases .. & she didn't refuse her feed .. but ..
It was extremely emotionally traumatic .. as she was refusing her drugs .. and what next? It’s difficult finding oneself in that situation .. as I don’t get any assistance or support from our family. She also reconfirmed the crematorium and then a service in Cornwall with a final resting place in the churchyard. She said she’d wave at me as she went .. & I was to wave as I went past the churchyard every day ... difficult as I live 300 miles away! We laughed .. I have to .. – it takes the sting out, I guess?
I had to find out what was likely to happen, what the possibilities were etc – make decisions .. did I need to tell my brothers .. would she refuse her feed (which starts at 10.00 pm) ... in the event I felt I had to tell them, because if she had refused her feed ... and I had not told them .. it would have been terrible. As it happens .. if I did so .. I’d be wrong, if I didn’t .. I’d be wrong .. sometimes you can never win – but I covered the bases .. & she didn't refuse her feed .. but ..
Sunday 19 October 2008
Mission Impossible - the journey cont ...
She is now exhausted .. but so appreciative of my visits and attention to her needs .. something that only a near and dear can tap into .. & ‘know’ what is required or wanted. We had a peaceful time just being together, holding hands with the odd hug – so important to the elderly .. but so often forgotten.
Her first question, after the initial good mornings, how are you etc .. – my mother is always polite and thoughtful about others .. even in her last chapter, is when is Janice, the Healing Touch Therapist coming next? Janice helps so much spiritually and physically with some very soft gentle massage on stiff or hurting points.
Linda, a friend, whose father was with us at Kestrel House, and who works with the disabled and who spent time with Janice looking at the Healing Touch Therapy – tried it on one of her clients - & the father said he’d never known his daughter be so relaxed and at peace: it is an amazing treatment.
Her first question, after the initial good mornings, how are you etc .. – my mother is always polite and thoughtful about others .. even in her last chapter, is when is Janice, the Healing Touch Therapist coming next? Janice helps so much spiritually and physically with some very soft gentle massage on stiff or hurting points.
Linda, a friend, whose father was with us at Kestrel House, and who works with the disabled and who spent time with Janice looking at the Healing Touch Therapy – tried it on one of her clients - & the father said he’d never known his daughter be so relaxed and at peace: it is an amazing treatment.
Saturday 18 October 2008
Mission Impossible - 88th Birthday
We have had a lovely birthday – my mother has been so pleased with all the cards, photographs and letters from friends and family. She had a lovely morning with a Healing Touch treatment, and some prayers and a blessing by the vicar; my brother and sister-in-law & their standard poodle dog visited.
We’d had an excellent afternoon opening the cards and I was able to read them to Mum and interact with her .. and we had lots of laughs and lots of happy memories: she said she was amazed so many people remembered and said she’d had a lovely day.
I’d been in the right place at the right time - purely fortuituous - and had found some anemones and some narcissi – desperately early as they are spring flowers .. but my mother is so pleased to have them – they’re her favourite flowers. The anemones – the jewels of Cornwall and the narcissi – so fragrant.
We’d had an excellent afternoon opening the cards and I was able to read them to Mum and interact with her .. and we had lots of laughs and lots of happy memories: she said she was amazed so many people remembered and said she’d had a lovely day.
I’d been in the right place at the right time - purely fortuituous - and had found some anemones and some narcissi – desperately early as they are spring flowers .. but my mother is so pleased to have them – they’re her favourite flowers. The anemones – the jewels of Cornwall and the narcissi – so fragrant.
Thursday 16 October 2008
Mission Impossible - the journey cont ...
The past 5 days has been a roller coaster of meetings, letters, phone calls etc with various clergy, the Nursing Centre and the Hospice on the gritty subject of my mother thinking about converting to Catholicism .. in her mind it has all faded .. and she’s happy with her Church of England faith, which has been a cornerstone of her life.
At least I opened the door for her and we’ve explored it and will continue to mull through religious matters as and when she wishes. Our Healing Touch Therapist, I know, will continue to provide my mother with an inordinate amount of relief – spiritually, mentally and physically and we now we have the support of the St Wilfrid’s Hospice http://www.st-wilfrids.co.uk/ for our predicament, their Chaplain has been up to see my mother.
My understanding is that the Hospice will ‘research’ our case and my mother and I will be under their auspices and ‘on their books’ for the remainder of my mother’s time on earth - & they offer a support service for me, should I need it in due course.
At least I opened the door for her and we’ve explored it and will continue to mull through religious matters as and when she wishes. Our Healing Touch Therapist, I know, will continue to provide my mother with an inordinate amount of relief – spiritually, mentally and physically and we now we have the support of the St Wilfrid’s Hospice http://www.st-wilfrids.co.uk/ for our predicament, their Chaplain has been up to see my mother.
My understanding is that the Hospice will ‘research’ our case and my mother and I will be under their auspices and ‘on their books’ for the remainder of my mother’s time on earth - & they offer a support service for me, should I need it in due course.
Friday 10 October 2008
Mission Impossible - the journey of hope (1) (the beginning)
Well – what a difference a day makes?! Our Healing Touch Therapist (daughter/sister!), Janice, has obviously been doing a fantastic job with my mother .. calming her tortured soul and helping her realise that God is where ever she wants him to be. So my mother has (finally I hope) decided she does not want to convert to Catholicism ... I guess it was her way of saying I need a change ....
The Palliative Care doctor came from the Hospice & I understand that the terminology has been amended to be for Limited Life, as my mother is in a Nursing centre for the terminally ill: &is now not just for cancer patients, as it was earlier in the year.
We discussed the situation & Jill, the doctor, took the holistic approach looking at all angles and made instant decisions ... why on earth the Health Authority can’t do this & save a lot of energy time, stress, anxiety etc for the family, the carers & the Hospice, let alone their charge - the terminally ill patient suffering more than is absolutely necessary ... I do not know – do you?
The Hospice doctor was absolutely brilliant with me, and also with my mother & I hope when I go and see my mother today – we’ll both being seeing things in a different light.
The Palliative Care doctor came from the Hospice & I understand that the terminology has been amended to be for Limited Life, as my mother is in a Nursing centre for the terminally ill: &is now not just for cancer patients, as it was earlier in the year.
We discussed the situation & Jill, the doctor, took the holistic approach looking at all angles and made instant decisions ... why on earth the Health Authority can’t do this & save a lot of energy time, stress, anxiety etc for the family, the carers & the Hospice, let alone their charge - the terminally ill patient suffering more than is absolutely necessary ... I do not know – do you?
The Hospice doctor was absolutely brilliant with me, and also with my mother & I hope when I go and see my mother today – we’ll both being seeing things in a different light.
Thursday 9 October 2008
Spiritual Needs - Reason to change? Her thought Processes
Well once again .. my mother has thrown me a wobbly .. you’d think with three major strokes, she couldn’t string it all together (& obviously she can’t properly) .. but all the right connections come out as far as she is concerned regarding this desire to convert to Catholicism.
Yesterday she said that the reason she wants to convert .. is that it will give her a change of direction*!! Get her out of Kestrel House and on her way home. We laugh about how she’s going to walk along Penzance high street with the various tubes etc .. I have to laugh & brings a laugh to Mum too! She is convinced she’s ‘fine’ & getting better .. well positiveness is better than wallowing in self-pity = something I’m not sure I could cope with.
So - she has one of her bees in her bonnet & those are extremely difficult to shift ... been there, done that!! She is intractable .. so I have a few challenges ahead I’m so pleased the palliative care doctors reinstated their cancelled meeting with us .. so it’s today: I sincerely hope it helps me!! * I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to change religions – what do you think?
Yesterday she said that the reason she wants to convert .. is that it will give her a change of direction*!! Get her out of Kestrel House and on her way home. We laugh about how she’s going to walk along Penzance high street with the various tubes etc .. I have to laugh & brings a laugh to Mum too! She is convinced she’s ‘fine’ & getting better .. well positiveness is better than wallowing in self-pity = something I’m not sure I could cope with.
So - she has one of her bees in her bonnet & those are extremely difficult to shift ... been there, done that!! She is intractable .. so I have a few challenges ahead I’m so pleased the palliative care doctors reinstated their cancelled meeting with us .. so it’s today: I sincerely hope it helps me!! * I’m not sure that’s a good enough reason to change religions – what do you think?
Tuesday 7 October 2008
Her thought processes & spiritual needs ...
Hurray .. Mum is back to her normal self ... it is good news! Janice, during her Healing Touch Therapy session said she was very chatty! Janice is brilliant & I would highly recommend everyone considering alternative ideas for those in need – Mum becomes at peace with the world, when she visits .. especially from the reassuring and wise words she offers my mother.
I, too, had a very good visit ... lots of laughs, lots of interest in new letters and cards from family & friends, and also discussion about the older ones: that are all over the walls – stimulating her and keeping her amused and interested.
I’ve mentioned to Mum that I’m starting to read and listen about the art of meditating .. & she remembers and is interested .. so I must carry on and learn more about the principles and practises, so I can update her: she’s always so interested in things. It is inspiring and sets standards that we could all follow – be interested in others ... there’s too much self interest in this world?
I, too, had a very good visit ... lots of laughs, lots of interest in new letters and cards from family & friends, and also discussion about the older ones: that are all over the walls – stimulating her and keeping her amused and interested.
I’ve mentioned to Mum that I’m starting to read and listen about the art of meditating .. & she remembers and is interested .. so I must carry on and learn more about the principles and practises, so I can update her: she’s always so interested in things. It is inspiring and sets standards that we could all follow – be interested in others ... there’s too much self interest in this world?
Monday 6 October 2008
Her Interests & needs: Remember those..whatever they may be ... including care!
She was still very tired .. but I had two good visits .. and we discussed and mulled the religious aspects .. and she agreed that God is wherever Mum wants him to be .. and that perhaps it was best to leave it that way .. as she’d been absolutely exhausted by it all: she agreed & said ‘we could sweep the idea under the carpet’!!
Fortunately she was happier in her self and I told her I’d cancelled my week’s break and so would be around for her .. she was extremely grateful & again hugely relieved. She knows I’m extremely tired and is really concerned for me .. as a mother would be, but reassured that I’m ok .. & coping.
I must now follow the RC thing through, with the change of heart .. and update the clergy as well as my family. However .. I’ve instigated a meeting with the palliative care doctors as they said they’d come back & talk to Mum, and haven’t – because they’re cancer & pain palliative care specialists (& we don’t fall into that category) – but I feel after a year in Eastbourne, we need some guidance – as surely ‘brain agitation’ counts as pain?
Fortunately she was happier in her self and I told her I’d cancelled my week’s break and so would be around for her .. she was extremely grateful & again hugely relieved. She knows I’m extremely tired and is really concerned for me .. as a mother would be, but reassured that I’m ok .. & coping.
I must now follow the RC thing through, with the change of heart .. and update the clergy as well as my family. However .. I’ve instigated a meeting with the palliative care doctors as they said they’d come back & talk to Mum, and haven’t – because they’re cancer & pain palliative care specialists (& we don’t fall into that category) – but I feel after a year in Eastbourne, we need some guidance – as surely ‘brain agitation’ counts as pain?
Sunday 5 October 2008
Brain Process & Spiritual interests ...
The thought process of wanting to convert to a Catholic has completely exhausted her .. & she’s so tired and brain weary .. Janice’s Healing Touch massage and calmness relaxes Mum and she is able to drift off into a wonderful sleep.
However unfortunately her brain is working overtime ... so sad ... and really for the first time ever – she’s said she’s so frustrated at not being able to get back to Penzance. She was saying that if she gets to Penzance with all her tubes .. I needn’t own her as she goes into town?? We had a good laugh about it .. & the shock to other shoppers etc!! What else can you do??
Yesterday, I told Mum that I was starting to study Meditation .. & she asked me how it was going! So you see her brain is all there! All this adds to my brain load .. & I need to work out the best way forward for her, which encompasses other areas of life & I need to draw on as many personal development skills as I can.
However unfortunately her brain is working overtime ... so sad ... and really for the first time ever – she’s said she’s so frustrated at not being able to get back to Penzance. She was saying that if she gets to Penzance with all her tubes .. I needn’t own her as she goes into town?? We had a good laugh about it .. & the shock to other shoppers etc!! What else can you do??
Yesterday, I told Mum that I was starting to study Meditation .. & she asked me how it was going! So you see her brain is all there! All this adds to my brain load .. & I need to work out the best way forward for her, which encompasses other areas of life & I need to draw on as many personal development skills as I can.
Saturday 4 October 2008
Her Spiritual Interests .. Religion (cont 2)
I’ve contacted the relevant parties to start the ball rolling .. without going overboard .. & to test the waters. Janice will continue her approach – it’s wonderful to have such a great centred, calm person helping us through this ‘challenge’. Janice is definitely more qualified to help me with direction in this regard.
I bumped in to Barbara, the Catholic volunteer in the supermarket! – as you do when telepathy comes to the fore (quite often recently for me, in various things) .. so when she rang me we had a good discussion. I established that the conversion process is not quick. Father Jamie had said he’d go back and have another meeting with my Ma.
However .. this is my mother! .. when I had a chat with her about it .. & was telling her that I was establishing ideas etc on her behalf, and said we’d let her have time to work it through .. Mum then announces that she hasn’t made her mind up yet!! & to top it off – there’s no hurry??!! Brilliant – I just laugh and we laugh together .. as to me it’s all too funny. What an incredible journey!
I bumped in to Barbara, the Catholic volunteer in the supermarket! – as you do when telepathy comes to the fore (quite often recently for me, in various things) .. so when she rang me we had a good discussion. I established that the conversion process is not quick. Father Jamie had said he’d go back and have another meeting with my Ma.
However .. this is my mother! .. when I had a chat with her about it .. & was telling her that I was establishing ideas etc on her behalf, and said we’d let her have time to work it through .. Mum then announces that she hasn’t made her mind up yet!! & to top it off – there’s no hurry??!! Brilliant – I just laugh and we laugh together .. as to me it’s all too funny. What an incredible journey!
Her Spiritual Interests .. Religion ..
Well .. that was a surprise .. and a shell shock to us all .. Father Jamie must have been very surprised .. I’m afraid I had a fit of the giggles when I talked to FJ & to Janice (what else do you do?!) – my mother is full of surprises and completely unseated all of us!
Mum is direct to say the least and announced to Father Jamie that she wanted to convert to Catholicism!! Poor chap .. his first reply obviously: well I’m not the right person here and said he’d send Father Seamus to see her. Not at all what we had assumed – a lesson: never assume anything?! ....that the discussion would follow the sort of things normally occurring when someone is in their last months?!
However – things settled down after that .. & they had lots of philosophical discussion regarding the C of E church and its direction – bless Father Jamie for adjusting so quickly to the situation; he stayed an hour & it’s completely exhausted my mother! – let alone FJ & me!!
Janice, our Healing Touch Therapist, was wonderful in talking Mum through her discussion with Father Jamie and help her mull through some of the religious ideas arising. Mum’s brain was clearly agitated at the amount of energy she’d had to put into this process .. Janice managed to calm her and bring a centering back to her being.
When I got up .. and chatted to Mum about it all .. I said Father Jamie must have been very surprised by her request .. and started laughing .. she giggled too .. – so I said I’d put the wheels in motion, so she could think about it a bit longer and I’d talk to FJ, to Janice & to a Catholic volunteer, who visits us .. aged 92?!
Mum is direct to say the least and announced to Father Jamie that she wanted to convert to Catholicism!! Poor chap .. his first reply obviously: well I’m not the right person here and said he’d send Father Seamus to see her. Not at all what we had assumed – a lesson: never assume anything?! ....that the discussion would follow the sort of things normally occurring when someone is in their last months?!
However – things settled down after that .. & they had lots of philosophical discussion regarding the C of E church and its direction – bless Father Jamie for adjusting so quickly to the situation; he stayed an hour & it’s completely exhausted my mother! – let alone FJ & me!!
Janice, our Healing Touch Therapist, was wonderful in talking Mum through her discussion with Father Jamie and help her mull through some of the religious ideas arising. Mum’s brain was clearly agitated at the amount of energy she’d had to put into this process .. Janice managed to calm her and bring a centering back to her being.
When I got up .. and chatted to Mum about it all .. I said Father Jamie must have been very surprised by her request .. and started laughing .. she giggled too .. – so I said I’d put the wheels in motion, so she could think about it a bit longer and I’d talk to FJ, to Janice & to a Catholic volunteer, who visits us .. aged 92?!
Thursday 2 October 2008
Her Interests & Needs - spiritual
Yesterday .. I’d made arrangements for my mother to have a peaceful morning .. in time for the vicar in the afternoon. She was grateful that the time had come, though knew that I’d organised the day to go smoothly for her .. so that she’d be physically ready, and have time to prepare. So when I arrived she smiled benevolently and said she knew .. and that, after a hug, I should go so she could gather her thoughts!!
The vicar arrived safely .. and today I will find out – how things went. Janice, who is a Healing Touch Therapist, is visiting my mother this morning and will be able to spend time with her; Janice has been amazing .. we have been so lucky in finding her - & the three of us treat each other as another daughter, sister, mother .. it’s fantastic to establish that kind of relationship with someone who offers both my mother and I so much sanctuary.
The vicar arrived safely .. and today I will find out – how things went. Janice, who is a Healing Touch Therapist, is visiting my mother this morning and will be able to spend time with her; Janice has been amazing .. we have been so lucky in finding her - & the three of us treat each other as another daughter, sister, mother .. it’s fantastic to establish that kind of relationship with someone who offers both my mother and I so much sanctuary.
Wednesday 1 October 2008
Today is Older Persons Day ...?!
One of our recurring themes .. is that whenever I sit down with Mum .. inevitably my body ‘collapses’ .. & I start yawning .. & she’ll count!! Then we both laugh .. I can’t explain to Mum, as she can’t take it in .... she just says at your age she wasn’t that tired .. then one day .. out came the words you’re a “pathetic pensioner!”
So now .. this pathetic pensioner has to combat her comparisons to what she was doing at my tender Older Persons age of 60! When she was converting a hotel to a Care Home and preparing to double the size by extending it ... oh well such is an interesting life! I think I’ll have another yawn!! – no .. there’s so much to do – it’s an exciting life ahead .. but for now my mother is number one, until she decides it is time.
So now .. this pathetic pensioner has to combat her comparisons to what she was doing at my tender Older Persons age of 60! When she was converting a hotel to a Care Home and preparing to double the size by extending it ... oh well such is an interesting life! I think I’ll have another yawn!! – no .. there’s so much to do – it’s an exciting life ahead .. but for now my mother is number one, until she decides it is time.
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