I have had an extremely difficult time .. with my mother saying goodbye to me, leave me in peace, I won’t need that done where I’m going to be next etc & telling me that I should get a life and don’t miss out .. & more particularly don’t let myself be the carer for my uncle, her brother-in-law! So she still knows what’s going on.
It was extremely emotionally traumatic .. as she was refusing her drugs .. and what next? It’s difficult finding oneself in that situation .. as I don’t get any assistance or support from our family. She also reconfirmed the crematorium and then a service in Cornwall with a final resting place in the churchyard. She said she’d wave at me as she went .. & I was to wave as I went past the churchyard every day ... difficult as I live 300 miles away! We laughed .. I have to .. – it takes the sting out, I guess?
I had to find out what was likely to happen, what the possibilities were etc – make decisions .. did I need to tell my brothers .. would she refuse her feed (which starts at 10.00 pm) ... in the event I felt I had to tell them, because if she had refused her feed ... and I had not told them .. it would have been terrible. As it happens .. if I did so .. I’d be wrong, if I didn’t .. I’d be wrong .. sometimes you can never win – but I covered the bases .. & she didn't refuse her feed .. but ..
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